I miss you.. but I think that’s all there is.
It’s not that love has faded, or has gone with the wind..
Rather, it’s a manifestation that I have let you go,
That I have moved on
And I am at peace.
The I love you-s, gone. The I miss you-s gone, too. The long conversations we had. Even the endless nights of me, talking to you over the phone. Those little perfect moments we shared. Even the what could have, gone. They’re all gone. Everything’s gone now. Yes, indelible, but invisible.
A sudden gush of emotions. Of want. Of need. Of wanting to be loved and to love again. Of needing to be taken cared of and to care once more. When will it ever come? How long do I have to wait? Or should I ask instead, will it ever come? Is there something to wait for?
Does it even exist?
I always seem to have reservations toward almost anything and everything that has been happening lately. Reservations toward my self, love and even happiness. I feel like I can’t give my full self into something. I’m afraid to get hurt, again. I don’t want to expect anything. It seems to me that I can’t trust other people’s words or actions anymore. I’m afraid that how I interpret it, how I think of it may turn out to be the other side of the coin. I don’t want that anymore. Maybe I’m just cautious. But too cautious this time that I’m blocking the way to a better me, to a love that I have long sought for, and to the happiness that I have been wanting of. I want to be myself again. I want to fall in love as free as a bird, without having to worry about pain. I want to be happy as genuine as it could be.
But then again, I might just be over thinking.